Happiness is no laughing matter, although fun is certainly important.

Research into wellbeing suggests happiness is not a single emotion, but actually three layers of experience: physical pleasure, emotional satisfaction and personal achievement. All three need to be in balance to create wellbeing.

Children need all three skills to make life satisfying:

• Knowing how to enjoy their senses and physical skills without becoming over dependent on pleasure

• Becoming confident learners without anxiety about criticism

• Forming strong relationships and enjoying companionship without fear of rejection

So how can you help your child develop a balanced and fulfilling life?

1) Don't focus just on having a good time
Pleasure is not the whole story. When you eat an ice cream or go on a fairground ride the result is a rush of pleasure. It's undeniably fun, but the effect is short lived. Children can enter a spiral of needing more and bigger experiences to satisfy them. When children demand more and more food; toys or excitement this can be a sign that all is not well in other areas.

2) Create opportunities for personal achievement
Children have a natural desire to explore and learn which makes personal achievement deeply satisfying. Make sure your child gets plenty of time to play because play is nature's way of encouraging children to practise new skills. Play is highly motivating because happy hormones are released which create energy and keep children involved. Doing something in a playful way is completely captivating; children can concentrate for much longer. This intense concentration is what psychologists call "flow". Doing something everyday which creates flow is a healthy counterbalance to more formal learning at home and at school.

3) Develop satisfying friendships
Your child's wellbeing will not be complete if their happiness is purely personal. Children need satisfying relationships, love and close friendships are essential, but children also need to know how to fit into a larger group.

4) Foster Emotional Intelligence
EQ is central to wellbeing. It is the insight and practical skills which help us to understand other people and how to get along with them. Developing social skills is complex and continues throughout childhood. Children need wide social experience but also useful feedback.

5) Mentoring and support
When adults oversee situations, children can develop their social skills step by step, with guidance and support. Having good adult role models at home and in the wider world shows children what is possible and how to both create good relationships but also how to repair them when things get tough. Children do also learn from each other but sometimes that advice is not so gently given. Everyone your child meets will contribute to their social learning. The old saying that it takes a village to bring up a child remains true in the 21st Century.

 

© Jeni Hooper. No content to be reproduced without written approval of the author.

Jeni Hooper is a Chartered Psychologist, Parent Coach and Director of Happy2Learn.

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